COLOSSIANS 3:21

“Fathers, do not antagonize your children, so that they will not become discouraged.”

When our children were young, they would sometimes misbehave and have to be disciplined. That old saying you may have heard as a child, “This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you,” is so true. I never liked to discipline my children, especially when I spanked them (don’t call protective services on me, lol). Often my wife would remind me, “Don’t break their spirit,” before I dealt with the issue. She was so right.

In this letter to the Colossians, Paul warns fathers not to “antagonize” their children, which really means not to stir up or provoke them to anger. The Ephesians equivalent is found in Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Both verses stop a negative action. Here in Colossians, Paul does not want these fathers to cause their children to be discouraged, to have their spirits broken. Let’s look at that.

APPLICATION

The Greek word for “will not become discouraged” is athumeo, which comes from a (not) and thumos (spirit or passion). I love how Strong’s Lexicon describes this. “The concept of thumos was associated with the inner drive or passion that propelled individuals to act with bravery and determination. Thus, athumeo would have been understood as a significant emotional state, reflecting a loss of this vital inner drive.”

Paul is saying, “Don’t break their spirit.” When you correct your children, don’t come down so harsh that their little spirits are crushed. This can have long lasting effects on your relationships. It’s curious to me that Paul doesn’t tell mothers not to do this. A mother is more prone to nurture their child, to be more sensitive. It’s the fathers who are normally the harsh ones.

Unfortunately, I have seen far too many children being harshly criticized and discouraged. I’ve seen it in store checkout lines. I have seen it in restaurants and parking lots. I often wonder if this is how they are treated in public, what happens behind closed doors. Lord, protect these vulnerable little spirits.

Father, give every father the capacity to handle their children with Your compassion and mercy.